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Thursday, October 7, 2010

Is this a Saturday Night Live Skit?

She says "I'm you" and I'm like, um no you're not....
Ok, really, if she is me, would she have to tell me that she is not a witch? Wouldn't she know that I don't believe in witches? She's me, isn't she?

And she says "I'll go to Washington and do what you'd do." Really? Raise your hand if you would,...Nevermind...I did not have sexual relations with myself!

It's a scary day when the first words, in a  politician's first ad is "I am not a witch". I could see someone saying this after a few months in office, but come on-not yet! Give us some hope....lie to us.


  1. Personally, I'd like her better if she WERE a witch.

  2. It's so hard to know if political candidates are lying to us. Can you tell? Here's a transcript of a recent related Delaware townhall meeting...

    Chrissy O.: I'm not a witch I'm not a witch!
    Noble Journalist: But you are dressed as one
    Chrissy O.: *They* dressed me up like this!
    Crowd: We didn't! We didn't...
    Chrissy O.: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
    Noble Journalist: [lifts up her false nose] Well?
    JQ Public 1: Well, we did do the nose.
    Noble Journalist: The nose?
    JQ Public 1: And the hat, but she is a witch!
    Crowd: Yeah! Burn her! Burn her!
    Noble Journalist: Did you dress her up like this?
    JQ Public 1: No!
    JQ Public 3, JQ Public 2: No!
    JQ Public 3: No!
    JQ Public 1: No!
    JQ Public 3, JQ Public 2: No!
    JQ Public 1: Yes!
    JQ Public 2: Yes!
    JQ Public 1: Yeah a bit.
    JQ Public 3: A bit!
    JQ Public 1, JQ Public 2: A bit!
    JQ Public 2: a bit
    JQ Public 1: But she has got a wart!
    Random Person in the crowd: *cough* *cough*

    Noble Journalist: What makes you think she's a witch?
    JQ Public 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!
    Noble Journalist: A newt?
    JQ Public 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better.
    Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!

    Noble Journalist: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
    JQ Public 1: Are there? Oh well, tell us.
    Noble Journalist: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
    JQ Public 1: Burn them.
    Noble Journalist: And what do you burn, apart from witches?
    JQ Public 1: More witches.
    JQ Public 2: Wood.
    Noble Journalist: Good. Now, why do witches burn?
    JQ Public 3: ...because they're made of... wood?
    Noble Journalist: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?
    JQ Public 1: Build a bridge out of her.
    Noble Journalist: But can you not also build bridges out of stone?
    JQ Public 1: Oh yeah.
    Noble Journalist: Does wood sink in water?
    JQ Public 1: No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!
    Noble Journalist: No, no. What else floats in water?
    JQ Public 1: Bread.
    JQ Public 2: Apples.
    JQ Public 3: Very small rocks.
    JQ Public 1: Cider.
    JQ Public 2: Gravy.
    JQ Public 3: Cherries.
    JQ Public 1: Mud.
    JQ Public 2: Churches.
    JQ Public 3: Lead! Lead!
    Arthur, King: A Duck.
    Noble Journalist: ...Exactly. So, logically...
    JQ Public 1: If she weighed the same as a duck... she's made of wood.
    Noble Journalist: And therefore...
    JQ Public 2: ...A witch!

    From here the People of Delaware apparently plan to roast Chrissy until November 2 when she will blow away. Next candidate.

    - This report was brought to you courtesy of M. Python.