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Monday, October 4, 2010

How to Have A Cheerful Period



“What color are you today?” the box asks.


Neon Tampons- are you kidding me? Kotex is genius with their new line call “U” by Kotex. It makes that special time of the month look downright upbeat. Yea-whatever. The tagline “Goodbye dullsville, Hello Different” is a joke too.

Who knew Aunt Flo could be so whimsical? Obviously these were not tested by PMSing women. Opening a box of little vivid colored tampons that are taunting and mocking you (“we are so colorful and happy! Oh you must be on the rag”) while you have disabling cramps- is enough to send any rational menstruating woman off the deep end.

Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wife, Hide Yo Husband, mmmhhmmm, Know what I’m sayin’?

This is “the curse” we are talking about! It’s not a trip to Chuck E. Cheese for god’s sake!

And the box comes with a “myth or fact” question on the box. Mine question was Myth or Fact: “You’re smarter during your period” then you have to look on the bottom of the box-making all the colorful little fuckers fall all over the bathroom floor-pissing you off more (if that’s possible). My answer: “Some studies have shown that women do better on exams during their period, due to increased estrogen.” What they forget to mention is that the women in this study had their hands around the throat of their instructor , saying "give me a friggen 'A' or I will beat you to death with my feminine hygiene products!"

What color am I today? I am purple. Why in the hell isn’t there a purple tampon in my box?

3 comments:

  1. There is a heifer in the pasture close to our house who is having a severe case of PMS right now. She sounds like one of those horns
    (a vulvatroid?) She keeps saying, "I SAID MOO, GODDAMMIT. AREN'T YOU ASSHOLES LISTENING? MOO, GODDAMN FUCKING MOO! MOO, YOU FUCKERS!"
    I think she wants a boyfriend.
    We could offer her the pretty tampons.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dude. I am getting pissed off just looking at these photos and I don't even get a period anymore! Although...they did leave in my ovaries, so I could be PMSing?

    ReplyDelete
  3. i want a period...looks like fun!!

    ReplyDelete