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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Have a party in your pants...Invite everyone

Have you ever prayed to get your Period? Margaret has. And it’s not like she went out with the girls, and got lambasted on Lemon Drops either. She didn’t even wake up next to a dude named Antonio and she didn’t discover she had “oops sex”.

Margaret just wants to start her fucking period. She can’t wait for the “big day”. So she prays, and God the jerk, answers her prayer finally, and gives her “the curse”. Fast forward 51 years and God is probably still laughing his ass off at Margaret…and the rest of us who were blessed with a uterus.

Now its 2010- and as I mentioned in an earlier blog, Tampax has come up with a new marketing plan with bright neon tampons pads and liners. I’m sure that a man designed this campaign for his fellow men, so that there would be an OBVIOUS warning to get THE FUCK OUT OF OUR WAY-yes it’s that time of the month guys!

Proof that a woman did not do this: The website says: “I was terrified that my tampon would fall out of my purse when I took my wallet out”. A woman would NOT make this 'glow in the dark' product, for this reason alone! A woman would have them wrapped in old receipts, loose dollars and camouflage. Imagine if our armed forces took on these new tampon colors…The Middle East would look like my street after our annual water balloon fight was over.

In Australia, its worse…the actual pads are decorated “For the ultimate care down there” (Swear. I am not making this shit up). Pick the one that fits your mood…I’ll have the one where the snake is eating the baby, thank you.

One more thing, the aftermath of your period will look like you cleaned up after a festive party that ended with a CSI investigation.

Since you probably have some left over, I have come up with some clever designs to disguise your unused portion of product.

This picture is because I hate the 49er's-no other reason.

This is a "MAXI" pad! More like a a Maxi comforter.

my inspiration :)
Who hasn't felt like this?

Ants in your pants, my ass

12 PC Animal Finger PuppetsAre You There God? It's Me, Margaret (Turtleback School & Library Binding Edition)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

It is sad that we can't compare Merv the Perv pics...really

And the only Perv I know is saying the same things to my sister, so I'm not that special. If he Honks her BOOB. I will be SO JEALOUS!


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Is this a Saturday Night Live Skit?

She says "I'm you" and I'm like, um no you're not....
Ok, really, if she is me, would she have to tell me that she is not a witch? Wouldn't she know that I don't believe in witches? She's me, isn't she?

And she says "I'll go to Washington and do what you'd do." Really? Raise your hand if you would,...Nevermind...I did not have sexual relations with myself!

It's a scary day when the first words, in a  politician's first ad is "I am not a witch". I could see someone saying this after a few months in office, but come on-not yet! Give us some hope....lie to us.

Friday, October 1, 2010

How I met the Poorman

I found the article that I submited to "The Lariat", when I was 17 and had decided that I did not want to go to High School due to the fact that my parents MOVED me friggen anywhere during my JR/SR school years! Honestly if you went though this, I have HUGE respect for you, especially if you did not turn out to be a serial killer. I learned of a test that would keep me out of high school until I was 22 (based on the transfer system, switching from California credits-to Texas Credits-back to Cali Credits-not mentioning the next cali move in the JR year....)
If I passed this test I could just move on to college...yea I was 16 but who cares....
OK whadaya know I passed...I took College least they treated me like an adult -which I was at 16-dealing with all the crap I had gone through...I wast an emotional adult but I had no mom was bedridden from illness I had to move on.
I latched on to a journalism major: Larry Knuth was my hero...he offered me an intern position to help me get by Larry Knuth was my professor. He let me explore all about the entertainment world.

I met "The Poorman" and this is what I wrote....