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Monday, March 28, 2011

Dog Whitening Soap is a Little White Lie

My dog Livvie, is a picture perfect Mini Schnauzer. She minds. She doesn't beg. She comes in when you call her. She stays when you tell her to stay. You couldn't ask for more from a dog. She even helps me demon sit (oops! I meant puppy sit) her cousin Lexie, by keeping her out of the trash. Livvie would NEVER get in the trash.

Then I leave her alone and FUCKING hell breaks loose!

Chairs are overturned, and she knocks the trash over so that my little dogs can join the party! Nothing is safe! I trust my 16 year old, with the entire house to himself, leaving my car keys, and a keg, and 1000 dollars, and 10 strippers, alone in this house for A MONTH a gazillion times more than I trust this dog for an hour.

Its not like she does this without knowing how bad she is being. When I come home, usually she is happy to see me and bounces all over and she howls in delight! After one of her alone time "indiscretions" although,she is completely different. She hangs her head in shame. I ask her "what did you do Livvie" and she goes and cowers under the coffee table.

Today was a bad day. I came home and she was cowering, and her beautiful white beard was as orange as Snooki. Then I found chef boyardee ravioli can that was so sparkling clean that it could have come from the dishwasher

On further inspection, I discover that she had made a journey across my desk, taking the "A" "G" and "6" keys off of my laptop.  She is pretty lucky she didnt take my "W" "T" and "F" or I would have had to do more than give her a bath!


  1. Sounds like our dogs if we forget to put a trash bag where they can't get to it, or if we leave any food wrappers on the table.

  2. Lexie says, "That's what you get for leaving delicious irresistible things in reach!"