OH NO he Di'n't

Well yes he did by the way.

My friend Nick asked on his facebook status update "What's your favorite vegetable?"

This reminded me that Gilbert Gottfried posted the following status on his Facebook page when she died:
I once asked Natasha Richardson if she'd have sex with me. She said, "Yeah, if I was brain dead."

tee hee I cant disgace Nick's page 2 times in 2 days, so I will just answer here, Karen Quinlen, Terri Schaivo and Nancy Cruzan.

What are your 3 favorite vegetables?

Life isn't long enough

I want to share two amazing people's stories...Rudy and Virginia Smith

Rudy passed away on July 5th,2010. He will be missed. I know no other employer will ever treat me the way that Rudy and Virginia. They were more like a mom and dad that you wanted to please. When Virginia passed away in 2006 this is what I wrote in her guest book.

Virginia...what an inspiration...
2006-08-17
When I heard of Virginia's trip to Heaven I was so sad to know that the world had lost her. What an impact she had on my life-the impact the Smith's had on my life. I was barely 18 (ok 17 at the time of training~they let me slip by) I worked at Mission Viejo which is where Virginia and Rudy worked out...often.....lol...we worked hard to keep that chrome clean knowing that any minute the "OWNERS" would be in. What I quickly learned was they weren't "owners" they were more like parents...Virginia's voice on the circuit training (10-20-30) tape played soothingly throughout the day. She took my aerobics classes often...usually in the front row...we chatted when she came in...I told my supervisor Gary Graydon "I want to be just like her". He said "you want to have a hard body at 60?" and I'm like, well, yes a hard body at 60 would be great...but it was more than that it was her all of her that I wanted to emulate. I knew that at 18. What a family we had at Holiday Spa. It spoiled me. I thought all companies were like that. A sales contest was not really a sales contest...it usually was a family vacation with our surrogate parents...Rudy and Virginia...many of us who have never been in the position to have vacations like a Smith vacation and we were treated to life on the other side and gave us the inspiration to work harder when we got home. Rudy had my back. He never let anyone get away with treating me in any way that was less than I deserved. I got a bear hug from him at the Hollywood re-grand opening after the Northridge quake. I think about Cross Crawls and think of Virginia....balance your body!... Often...lol...even though I have not seen the Rudy and Virginia in years...I have thought about them often. Rudy I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Virginia...my heart aches for you and your family. But what a life she had...she had the steadfast love of a great man...awesome unaffected children who grew to be great people and had great children for Virginia to love. The Smith family was still a wonderful loving, together, and close family that treasured Virginia until her passing. Yeah, I still want to be just like her... XOXO to my family, Peg (Van Buskirk)

Pegi

A frog walked into a bar, the other frog ducked.

As I was getting ready for bed, I noticed something moving on the floor of the shower. IT WAS A FUCKING FROG!!!!! I know, I know, I live next to wetlands, but still a frog in my house…no way I could sleep even though I had already taking an Ambien.
Now this wasn’t one of those really ugly warty giant frogs…this was a tadpole that had just gotten legs (still creepy). I put a cup over the thing and ran to get someone else in the house to deal with it. Yea right…that just got me cussed out.
I decided that I wanted Tanner to see him so I went to the kitchen and got a Tupperware container, put some water in it, and went to try to catch the little fucker. He kept hopping out of the container which made me scream a few times. I finally caught him, poked a few holes in the top and went to bed.
I saved the frog until Tanner got home from school and after convincing Tanner that we WERE NOT keeping it, we let it go in the back yard. He even stopped and posed for a few pics before hopping under the deck.
He really was a cute frog.
Then Joey asked if we had noticed the lizard or frog that has been dead in the front doorway…UMMMMMMMMM NOOOOOO I haven’t. “It’s been there for months” he said.
It was true there was tiny frog squished in the doorway…after being sad for a few seconds, I got the giggles.
I know, I am going to burn.

Look what the Rock is cookin'

Long time no blog I know...I wanted to put this up real quick to show you what I fed my son and nephew for desert! Yes its Peepsmores!

You Only Get One Shot to Give a Last Impression

I applied for a job selling Coffins. …Since it’s been two weeks without a response I am sure my resume bit the dust and is dead in the water. They probably found the skeleton in my closet.
I realize that I really didn’t know much about “Caskets”- as the funeral homes here in the US say to be more PC. Probably the only thing on my resume that made me qualify is that I can sell the shit out of anything-EVEN coffins. I did some research to prep in advance to see who my competition may be.

WOW. Did I learn a lot! I almost know where all the bodies are buried. Look at me Mr. Funeral Home Guy! I gots me some internets smarts! I found a couple of very cool companies such as “Coffin It Up” and “Bert and Buds Vintage Coffins”. I learned that you can have a Coffin Kitchen, purse, jewelry or just the regular stuff like a replica Pope John Paul II coffin.

I still have a few questions about pricing for our “larger” relatives. Are “Plus Size” or “Husky” caskets more expensive and if they are, during this economy should you forgo “comfort” for a loved one and just stuff them in the smaller one kinda like the airlines do? I can see the worry in advance from all the other people in line to get a coffin "Gee I hope I don't get the coffin next to her!" There now-As long as it closes, right?

I also found a custom coffin kit that comes in a box like an IKEA dresser or a pine box derby car you build with your dad, all ready to put together and compact so “it’s easy to store until the time is right”. WTF? Someone please tell me-how do you build a coffin after you’re dead? This seems a little cart before the horse-ish-or as stupid as having the Pro Bowl before the Superbowl.

I might be way too loud for this business and want to make jokes a lot. Even if I don’t tell them to anyone else around me, they will make me giggle and everyone would look at me funny.

And probably if I saw a coffin like Michael Jackson’s, luxurious and expensive, If no one was looking ,I might be tempted to hop in it- just to see how the other half gets to die. It looks comfy and I might like it. WOW! What a way to decompose.
And the last thing that I’ve learned about the industry is that just like everything else in this day and age, this business is dying.

Dear Verizon,

Dear Verizon,
Several years ago I decided not to do business with you ever again. Even cancelling after my contract was a joke since you made me pay for the “Full” month after I had cancelled since Verizon is on a pay in advance program and could not reverse the charges. I thanked the girl ending my service because she gave me one more reason to be happy that I was cancelling (as if I needed one more). Now over a year ago I was a victim of the economy and laid off. I have been looking for work as required by unemployment. I have received collection calls from your company in the past and they have been kind to my situation. Today a person from Nelson Watson and Associates called me at about 3:20 and tried to collect on this bill. I am still unemployed. Here are the basics of the phone call that I posted on my Facebook page to all 720 of my friends: Just got a collection call from Verizon Wireless. The guy asked how long I have been unemployed and I said a year. He told me I could have found a job in a year if I was "really looking". I said you know what? You are a DICK and hung up.

So far I have gotten a huge amount of support from my friends- which made me feel better after your employee insulted me during one of the hardest times of my career-I have NEVER been unemployed before. Maybe, I should apply at Verizon since you will hire any piece of shit out there! Nah, you guys are the bottom of the barrel obviously! I hope your cell phone services go the bankrupt way of your Yellow Pages.
This letter is now a part of my blog too…more people need to know that you will use ANY technique to collect money. Should I keep an eye out for Vinnie, Louie and Guido as well?

Pegi

I was told that my blog isn't whiny but its about to get BITCHY!

Just got a collection call from Verizon Wireless. The guy asked how long I have been unemployed and I said a year. He told me I could have found a job in a year if I was "really looking". I said you know what? You are a DICK and hung up.

I wish I said, well obviously anyone could get a job at Verizon you douchbag! And then called him a dick. That would have made me feel better.